Young Blonde - Part III

As I held Katelyn just inside the doorway of my bondage room with a hair hold and arm bar, I expected her to say either yes or no to me. Her moment of pause didn’t last very long, but I detected her quivering a little bit and felt something wasn’t quite right. Instead of saying something, I heard a snivel…so I released her from my hold and turned her around to face me.

She briefly looked at me before looking down toward the floor. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and her lips were quivering. She was shaking a little bit and there was something obviously wrong. Katelyn was a very beautiful woman and I began to wonder if she had told me the truth about experiencing any of this before with that other guy like she said. When I saw her condition like this, I knew it wasn’t right. Something was terribly wrong and I knew what needed to be done.

I very calmly petted her hair and wiping the tears from her cheeks. I assured her that I could tell something was wrong. I brought her gently into my arms and gave her a light hug as I held that position with her. My hands rested around the small of her back as I put my forehead into hers and said nothing for about ten seconds. I whispered softly into her ear. I said, “I understand – let’s take this easy. Just hold me for a moment and let me share this with you.”

She continued to quiver and cry with a few more snivels as I held her in my arms and wiped tears coming from her swollen eyes. This was the moment to captivate her trust in me and let her feel my compassion and respect for her. As I held her, I worked on reassuring her and whispered in her ear, “Shhhh….it’s alright. I am here for you. This isn’t the time. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. Let’s just stop here and go have a drink.”

I led her out of my bondage room and then retrieved her shirt and handed it to her so she could put that back on. She was very quiet and wiped tears from her cheeks. I just kept reassuring her that everything would be fine and she followed me into the kitchen and sat down at the table. She looked down toward the floor and appeared to be ashamed of her tears as she wiped a few more from her cheek.

I asked her if she would like another beer and she said, “Yes, please.” That was it. She didn’t say anything else. I popped open a beer for each of us and sat down at the table next to her. I adjusted my chair so that I was positioned right in front of her. Very gently, I brought my hands to hers and held them softly without saying anything for a moment. I wanted to take this time again to experience this with her with respect and compassion. Sometimes it is best not to say anything and just have this kind of time together when someone is hurting and filled with emotions that cause them to cry. It isn’t the time to ask questions or say much. It is a time to just hold someone and share the moment.

We were both quiet and didn’t say anything for awhile. I let go of one hand so I could reach her can of beer and give it her so she could take a few sips. She did and handed it right back to me. I set it back down on the table and held her hand again and she still looked down toward the floor and avoided eye contact.

This is when I decided to say something that I thought would be easy on her. I spoke to her in a very slow soft voice and said, “Katelyn, I can see something is bothering you – and I am here for you.” I paused for a moment to let her absorb each sentence and said, “It is OK to have emotions and feelings and you don’t have to say anything. I just want you to understand something that is happening here. I think you are a wonderful person and I like you very much. Sharing this moment with you now is a very special time for both of us.”

As I softly ran my fingers through her hair, I suggested to her very calmly that this was a good time to relax for a few minutes and that she was free to say or do whatever she wanted. I told her I was going to put on some soft music to help set the mood and walked into the living room to get rid of the techno rhythm music that was playing. I changed the channel on the TV to a soft love song channel and then set the volume so it was perfect for background music. I came back to the table and sat down in front of her again so that I was on her level and not towering over her, but this time I gently pulled her forehead into mine as I ran my fingers through her hair. She was very submissive and followed my lead without the least bit of resistance. She leaned forward so that our foreheads were together and she wasn’t crying anymore. I could tell this was the time to say what I had on my mind and said, “I like everything about you tonight - and I thank you for letting me share this time with you. You are a wonderful and compassionate person and I want you to know that I am just like you…I have feelings and emotions too. No worries; no regrets; and no questions. Just being able to cherish this moment together with warmth and understanding is a gift that many don’t have. It’s a special time that doesn’t need explanation.”

She had a tiny smile as she looked at me again for the first time in several minutes. I smiled with her and we just looked into each other’s eyes for a moment as we held hands resting in our lap. I could feel something different between us as if we understood each other and what was happening. The silence combined with our eyes locked onto each other was magical. I felt a tingling sensation and chill go up my spine and out into both arms. Something was happening to me and I couldn’t hold back. My eyes began to swell with tears as I looked into her eyes. Her eyes began to swell up with tears at the same time. This moment we shared was something I had not experienced in a long time and I felt my heart opening up to hers. Her hands quivered a little as her tears rolled down her cheek like mine. I held her hands more firmly as we went through this without saying anything. It was so unique and neither of us wanted to ruin it by saying anything. Somehow we managed to understand how to grasp this and savor every second of it because it’s not something that just happens when two people first meet. It had to mean something else was going on…and I felt like we both understood that just by the way we were looking at each other and being silent.

As she looked down toward the floor again, her tears were still rolling down her cheeks. My tears had started to dry up, but that didn’t make a difference. I was there for her and wasn’t going to change a thing. I let go of her hand again and handed the beer to her. She took a few sips and held onto it this time. That was another cue to me that the time had come to let go of her other hand and give her some space and time.

I got up and walked over to the fridge and got out some eggs. I turned on one of the stove top burners to medium and fetched a frying pan. She was watching me and we exchanged glances a few times. I scrambled up some eggs and added a little milk so they would stay moist. A little butter in the pan and soon the sizzling sound of breakfast was in the air. Ahh, wait – the toast….so I said, “Crap I forgot the toast”, as I quickly got out a couple slices and got them started in the toaster. She chuckled. The mood was changing and starting to lighten up…and nothing could have made it better than this. It was something magical that we had just experienced and it was followed by the smell of breakfast being cooked by a buffoon who forgot to put down the toast! So here we had all this emotion and cried together and now she was laughing at me. How wonderful – this just doesn’t happen like this. Who is she? How did we get so lucky to meet by chance like this – and why did it take the bigger part of my life to finally be together here on this night with all these things happening? The thoughts were racing through my mind, but it dawned on me…there doesn’t need to be an answer – just chill and do what feels right.

Eggs were done…toast popped up…got it buttered, oh – some salt and pepper, there – that’s it, and it looks good on the plates. I was just getting ready to take them over to the table when Katelyn stood up and walked over to me. She came up to my right side as I was still facing the stove, kissed me on the cheek and quietly said, “Thank you”, as she smiled at me and looked right into my eyes. She was so beautiful and it’s moments like these when my mind captures what I experience like a snapshot from a camera. They lock in my memory cells somewhere – but only when they have some special meaning attached to them like tonight and there were plenty of those snapshots already locked into place. I think this is how the feelings of love begin to develop with someone when there isn’t any confrontation. The warmth, tenderness and emotions that I experience have a tendency to be absorbed by sight, sound, smell and touch. It all has its way of getting inside my mind and heart and I am smart enough to tell the difference between what is real and what isn’t. This night was very real!

I handed her one of the plates and we both walked back over to the table and sat down. “Ooops, I forgot the forks”, I said. She chuckled again. They were in the drawer close by the table so I grabbed two and handed her both. I guess I was a little nervous trying to make things just right and she looked at both forks and chuckled again as she selected one. Duh – another goof up, why did I just do that? Here I was extending my arm out so she could select from two identical forks. I said, “Whatever…let’s eat.” We exchanged glances and smiles again and I sat down to eat with her. After her first bite she commented and said, “Wow, this is really good.” I just said, “Thanks…it hits the spot doesn’t it?” She said, “Oh yeah….awesome”, as she ate several more bites with an occasional smile.

While we were eating my mind and heart were taking snapshots. It’s times like this that make a huge difference to me, especially on the first few dates. It was almost like I had some feelings that I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager…similar to having a crush on a girl. It was intoxicating and addicting absorbing it all in, but something was beginning to tell me to take it easy. I kept telling myself ‘don’t let on that you have this feeling – play it cool’. There is a huge age difference between us and I am not young anymore. I lived my life for decades and I am sitting here with this young woman who has had a profound impact on me and I was beginning to come to my senses.

She finished eating her breakfast about the same time I did and I offered to make us some coffee. She said that would be great, so I got up, collected the plates and forks and put them in the sink and started to make a fresh pot of Folgers Gourmet brand. As I was pouring the water into the coffee maker, she stood up and walked over to the sink and started doing dishes. I didn’t want to tell her no, because it was thoughtful of her to want to do this for me. It was her way of being nice to me and that’s just something I won’t spoil by saying no, I’ll do them later. There are times like these when I just let it go and say nothing. It was another moment to be thankful for on this night…not because she was doing the dishes for me…it was the thought that she had in consideration and kindness that I was thinking about. And after I finished pouring the water into the coffee maker, I walked up beside her and started drying them as she handed them to me. Here again, we didn’t say a word to each other. She knew why I was there and she accepted my kindness just like I had accepted hers. We simply exchanged glances and a smile and knew that this was yet another example of a cooperative moment between us.

As she finished up with the dishes, she asked me to follow her into the living room by suggesting, “Let’s go sit down so we can talk.” I thought to myself, OK this is it – she wants to tell me something and it must be important. I wonder what she is going to say to me.

We went into the living room and sat down in the recliners. The background music was still playing softly and the lamp on the stand between us was dimmed to a romantic setting. She began to open up to me and in a shy tone and said, “I have never felt like this before. Something happened tonight that was different than anything else I have ever experienced. All these things were going through my mind and I was completely overwhelmed with everything you did to me. I mean, the part where you gave me the option to take off my shirt, then you touched me, spanked me, and then you aggressively took me back there.”

I thought for a moment that this was the part that may have caused her to quiver and cry but she continued saying, “…and it felt exactly like I had imagined it might be by being completely overpowered by a man I just met who had just enough aggression to make me feel helpless and a little afraid of what you might do to me. That’s why I started to cry. Nobody has ever done anything like that to me before…and then you recognized that I was crying…and I felt your tenderness as you wiped my tears. You didn’t ask me what was wrong – you just understood. It was so different. None of the guys I’ve been with have ever been able to do all the things you did.”

I listened very carefully to everything she was saying. I watched her body language as she was sitting in the recliner comfortably with her head turned toward me as she spoke slowly and softly in a nice tone. She wasn’t overbearing and I didn’t feel any bad vibes coming from her at all. It was just her being polite and wanting to share something with me that was on her mind. I could tell she wanted me to know why she cried, but it was more than that. She was trying to portray how each thing I did with her was different in nice way, not a bad way, so I just listened.

She said, “I feel very comfortable with you and yet I am still afraid of what might happen.” This was another opportunity for me to discuss something very important so I jumped in and said, “If it’s alright with you to talk about this – let me explain a few things and maybe you will feel better about it. You remember when I showed you everything and then we came out of the room to the table? I did that because it gave you the opportunity to feel easier being out of that room as if there was no pressure on you. It gave you and me a chance to talk about what you just experienced in there and allowed you some time to try those things on yourself. You experienced a different level of pain when you did it to yourself because you were in control. You had indicated that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was when I was doing it – but that’s just a natural feeling when you’re not in control like that. The point is, you were learning about the different effects this can have on you with someone you can trust. I think the actual moment of realization must have hit you when I spanked your ass and then put you into that hair hold and arm bar by overpowering you.”

“Yes, it did…and the fear of it all got to me”, she said. This is when I asked her, “If I had been more gentle with you and said please, thank you, or called you sweetheart or something like that, would that have matched any fantasy you ever had and would it have ruined the experience?” She thought about that for a moment and said, “You know…I think you’re right. My fantasies of being controlled by a strong man have always been there, but when it really happened tonight – it was like I felt I was in real trouble, but I don’t think it would have been the same if you had been more gentle or said please or anything like that.”

I just smiled at her and nodded yes that I understood. It was her first time and she was very perceptive and intelligent. I told her that. This was a good learning experience for her and it was up to her to decide if she wanted to continue with this tonight or wait until another night. I wasn’t in any hurry to get my rocks off; I was more concerned about doing what was right for her. This is the side of me that always ends up coming out – wanting to give rather than receive.

Now I knew exactly what happened and why she was filled with emotions and feelings. I didn’t have to say it, but I knew it was there. Here I am a total stranger who is much older than she is and yet I managed to do things to her that had a huge impact on her. She was probably comparing me, this older experienced guy, to one of her past boyfriends who she was in love with, and in my mind I can see how that would be difficult for her. And so I said, “What happened tonight comes with years of experience. It’s just not something you can expect to happen with someone who is younger. I am sure that you’ve been in love before and yet things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them. That’s just life growing up. What this is tonight is something different. You met an older guy who was a little mysterious, experienced, and strong and knew what he was doing. I had all the equipment here and you were overwhelmed with anticipation and wanted to experience it, yet you had some natural hesitation about what might happen in there and you may also have some confused feelings about me….let me elaborate a little bit...”

She sat there looking at me and remained silent as I began to explain something else that I believed was important for her to understand. I explained to her that, “What you may have felt as I took you into my arms and gently wiped your tears away was a natural reaction to anyone who would do that. The mixed feelings and emotions are sometimes very difficult to sort through, especially when you see the guy standing in front of you is much older than you are. It probably would feel much different if it were your boyfriend that you were in love with. Part of those feelings comes naturally from one part of your mind that is used to feeling that kind of love from someone you know who didn’t do it quite right, while the other part of your mind could be questioning why you would want to feel this way with a guy that you just met, is much older, and you may not or should not fall in love with him. I think it is normal to feel those two things at the same time, but it can be a little confusing to some people.”

What I was getting into was the psychological effect that the age difference can play on someone’s mind. For some, they might look at it like I was old enough to be their dad and they can’t seem to get that out of their head, which can be a complete turn off for most people. I am not her dad. I am another man that she just met and there must have been something about me that she was attracted to other than my physical appearance. Many women have told me that I am handsome and in good shape and Katelyn must have been initially attracted to me up front because of it, otherwise she would not have agreed to come over to my table at the lounge. The way I was able to talk to her and made her feel comfortable with me was another thing that probably crossed her mind. She really didn’t know me, yet she was going to go with me to my place right after we met. I am sure she had some confusing thoughts of hesitation and fear combined with anticipation and curiosity and it was all probably set in her mind by the time we ended up at my place.

Because of my career background, (which remains confidential) I have been trained to notice things that most people don’t see. It comes natural to me after being in that career for several decades. Sometimes I still catch myself using those skills and it is sometimes very difficult for anyone to try and con me. I sense the problem way before most others do and that’s how I learned to survive and instantly react. It is this instant reaction that worries me, because if I detect aggression toward me either physically or verbally, I immediately go into another mode altogether and at any time I can respond to the same level or bump it up a notch. What this means is that anyone who physically attacks me will be dealt with swiftly and it will be quick. I’ve done it several times and size doesn’t matter.

One of the things I learned to do in my career was use good communication skills. I am not always good with them especially when it is with someone I care about like another woman in a relationship. Sometimes I mess up because one part of my brain is trying to use my learned skills, while the other part has mixed emotions and feelings. The latter piece never entered into the picture during my career because I wasn’t dealing with anyone who I cared for in a relationship. I cared for them as a professional, not as a lover, friend or family member. There’s a big difference and I am still trying to deal with that by not having to use the skills in the wrong way. It’s hard sometimes, but I do try.

Katelyn is a very special woman and she is very mature for her age. I am senior to her, and it is sometimes difficult to try and sort out all of these emotions and feelings when my common sense tells me that it likely won’t turn out the way it does when two people are much closer in age. This is one of the reasons that I am selective about who I spend time with. She was different and I felt right about it with her. It wasn’t about love or anything like that….it was about the mutual chemistry that we had with each other.

In this lifestyle – two people can have any type of consensual relationship without having to be in love. All they need is trust and respect for each other, but it has to have chemistry. If any of those three elements are lacking, it just doesn’t work out. Those same elements apply to any relationship, and the feeling of being in love is the common denominator for most of them.

I suggested to Katelyn that she should think about this for awhile and if she still wanted to experience the feelings and emotions with me, she might want to try and separate them out differently before we start. I said, “If you can do that, I think it will be easier on you. You need to be looking at me like I am your mentor who is willing to engage in a very special relationship with you. Try not to look at me like I am your boyfriend or lover. What I am is someone you can trust and I will take you to places you have never been to inside your mind by using your body to accomplish that. If you feel like you are in love with me, it’s probably because of how well I treat you, take care of you, protect you, and understand you. The reality of it is that I am here for you to teach you about all of this and to share that special bond between us whenever we are together.”

Katelyn seemed to understand everything I was saying and I detected that she was still willing to go through with it and cross the line. I knew that if she ever did, she would never return to being vanilla again. I asked her if she still felt comfortable with me and she said yes. “Would you like to spend the night here with me”, I asked? She said, “Sure. I would really like to do that.” I had to ask the next question just to see what she was thinking and said, “How about this idea. Let’s rewind the tape – you take a restroom break – and you know what to do when you come back out. It’s your decision, but this time – if you come back out without your shirt on, be absolutely sure that you can separate out all of your emotions and feelings and just let yourself go. Don’t let yourself feel ashamed or confused. I may do something different next time, but I am not going to ruin anything by telling you about it now. Nothing has changed. You should know me well enough now that I am capable of making you do what I want you to do, and there should be some element of fear there. You should be afraid otherwise it won’t be real to you.”

She got up to go to the restroom but she didn’t smile or say anything. She was deep in thought, I knew that much. It was 12:30 in the morning, and she didn’t have to get up early or go to work…so there was plenty of time for me to teach her a few things. All I was waiting for was to see if she was going to be wearing that shirt when she came back out. If she had it on, I already decided in my mind that I would make the rest of the night fun and interesting without having to do anything related to what we’ve been talking about. On the other hand, the things that were going through my mind if she stepped out of that restroom without a shirt on were getting very dark, and in anticipation of her doing that…I retrieved a set of stainless steel handcuffs from my room and hid them behind me as I sat back down in the recliner waiting for her.