To Cheri

**REVISED AGAIN ON SUNDAY, JAN. 30, 2011**

By now, I am sure you have thought about everything, and that you've read all of the latest blogs I wrote. You removed my site link from your page...apparently because you are not willing to follow my blogs anymore, or...you don't want others to see what I write. Whatever. (My mistake Cheri, I went back to look again and it was there...I am sorry I missed it.)

By the way, thanks for dropping off my blue shirt. You were thoughtful in not only returning it, you actually folded it neatly and put it on the chair outside my front door. It wasn't thrown on the ground. Not that I expected that or anything, it was just you being considerate. I was in the shower and couldn't get to the door in time. I have a blue colored hoody sweat in the back of my rig, but I am not sure if it's yours, so please let me know.

There are some other things I want you to know....you are truly someone that I was beginning to like a whole lot, and I've told you that. That one Sunday in the mountains that we enjoyed together was one of our best times and I think the wine tasting night after a great steak dinner at the restaurant was another one.

I just wanted you to know what I was trying to portray to you in my last blog, "How Things Turn To Crap...." The biggest piece in that blog that I tried to convey was how hard it was for me understanding where you were coming from....meaning....I was not exactly sure if you were saying things on purpose just to try and push my buttons into disciplining you, or if you were for real and wanted to express your thoughts and opinions by saying things to me the way you did. I have always allowed you to express yourself, but I can't tolerate some things that you say to me, some of the reasoning or B.S. that you try to use to make it sound more convincing, and especially how you go about it with such a snotty tone.

It is difficult for me to interpret the differences of your possible intent to cause me to discipline you, or just you expressing yourself, especially when you've said things like, "You're going to let me get away with talking to you like that?" Ever since you said that to me and explained to me how you are used to not getting away with things....I've been in this mode of analyzing everything you say or do while trying to interpret whether or not you're doing it on purpose or you're just being you and think you can have the best of both worlds; meaning having your full independence and say whatever you want to me with a snotty tone, while at any time, you also may be having a personal craving in there somewhere to say something on purpose just to provoke me into spanking you. That's not fair to pull the "mix and match" cards out like that. I don't understand why you haven't realized that problem. We talked about it. It has to be the quickest way to kill a relationship, because each of us have a right to express ourselves, yet there must be some ground rules.....we just didn't get that far to discuss those. And even if we did negotiate them, I can see we better get them in writing so we both have a clearer picture of each others expectations.

Had it not been for your tone and all the rabbits you were pulling out of your hat to try and convince me you were right about much of that crap, none of this would have happened...although I am glad it did. What it says to me is that our worlds are much different. It happened early enough in our fledgling relationship that we didn't get too far into it - and that would have made it much harder on both of us had we split up much later. I do respect you though. You are a wonderful gal.

My intent going into this was dating in the first place. We were fortunate that I brought up my kinkiness on that first night, it helped us move right into it. I was happy to learn of your kinky side too. It all went beyond dating into a part-time relationship so quickly, and I have no regrets at all. It was fun meeting you and doing things with you, but it has been very difficult for both of us to mesh our two different kinks of DD vs. BD. My Bondage and Discipline side does not accept argument, stubborness, tone, refusal. It insists on a strict set of rules and conditions (but we didn't get there yet), and it would not have allowed you to do anything like you have. There would have been certain days set for open communication, but that's it. Otherwise, you would have been mine the rest of the week. I know you're not used to that, but that is the real me inside.

I have to say this. My wife's personality, and your interpretation of her not arguing with me and that I wasn't used to that....is very true...but also as you know, it was the wrong thing to say to me. You were well aware of her long term disability that progressed to the point of no return - she can't move or talk anymore. It was very fatal for you to pull that rabbit out of your hat to try and prove anything, and I am sure you realize that now. Even before her disability, she did not talk to me the way you have with your tone.

As far as the other things you've said to me about wanting to get married, using me, telling me to say I love you, etc (joking or not)...those all happened within the first 3-4 weeks of knowing each other! In my world, you wouldn't dare be joking like that.

The other piece that you had said to me more than once was with regard to your personal interest and ability to do something because you got tired of it, didn't have patience with it, and had a limit of time that you were able to spend on it. That can't happen. There is no such thing in my world. You will be put to the test of endurance and learn to tolerate.
In case you don't remember, on the last night I saw you, I had talked about you being submissive, and you said, "I don't think I could ever be a sub." That was difficult for me to understand, because that one Sunday we enjoyed together you were great! It went well, and we both felt it.

The only thing is, you've criticized me for saying things in my previous blogs like "She Needs Training" or something else, and that pissed you off. I said those things because I believe you have potential to cross over if you opened your mind to it and let go. You have already been doing it with me to a certain extent, but only sampled some of it. And the only way into it is to train someone very carefully with very strict structure, rules, conditions, and consequences. Any sub would have to undergo the whole piece in order to become totally responsive to her master, knowing that he in turn will do everything for her and that they will be happy in their relationship....which over time....usually leads to love and affection for each other in a special bond between them.

What I think you're trying to say is that you are accustomed to having your say in the tone you want, be totally independent and do what you want, and do it whenever you feek like it. I may be wrong about this, but the only thing that appears to me that you are willing to do is follow some simple domestic rules in a relationship, break them on purpose once in a while (like you've done with me several times) in order to provoke me into administering corporal punishment, and then repeat the cycle all over again. In some cases, you've just dangled the temptation right in front of me so I would spank you.

The fetish for being spanked apparently goes much deeper than what you've shared with me. I understand it all, but the rest of it that I wanted you to experience with me wasn't something that looked too appealing to either of us over the long term only because we didn't go there like we should have. What that means is that there were a number of things for both of us to work on together in order to make anything even remotely possible in terms of a relationship, especially given our different lifestyles and interests.

Much of the BD world I live in has everything to do with the simpler DD world, except there are times that you get placed into very restricting situations and may experience discipline in many different ways, and it doesn't always have to do with punishment just for violating some rule. It can simply be to train you to learn what I want you to learn and practice and I use the tools in my arsenal to convince you to think differently. And it doesn't always have to do with sex either, although if it's done right, you would become very interested in that.

The only way we could have achieved anything close to a LTR.....is you not talking to me like you were. And one of the ways we could have got there is for me to invoke and enforce a set of rules, conditons, structure, etc. and you would have to follow them, just as you have in your previous DD relationship. I wanted to take the time to work with you several times daily in a BDSM relationship, not a DD domestic thing. My goal was to have you experience so much more and it would be because I said so for my reasons, without you expecting me to explain why, or having you try to negotiate or cherry pick some of it or just argue about it.

It's more powerful than what you've experienced before....and you can't pick and choose anything that happens because "cherry picking" isn't acceptable. You have already trusted me, so no matter what I say you must do or what you must experience, it will get better.....not worse. There will always be limits to discuss in the beginning. You have already experienced some of it, so it isn't like you don't know what to expect. I would take it slowly with you, and it would take time...meaning sessions might last for hours, not minutes.

I want you to think about this article and re-read it. And if somewhere inside that head of yours, should you have some sort of feeling, emotion, or curiosity about this.....I ask you to do the following:

1. Think about it long and hard for a few days. Don't react to this too quickly.
2. If something in your head is telling you that it might work, and if you were willing to give it your full cooperation and change your behavior as I work with you, and you want to experience much more intense power and control like I have partially described above (not detailed by any means), then think about how you would be willing to describe your thoughts in writing to me about this and then post it here with your comments and let me know.

I want to read what you say very carefully. I will look for you to be willing to submit, change, and do whatever it takes to make it work and it will all go down on paper and we will sign an agreement about everything just so we can refer to it. We will negotiate the terms, definitions, rules, conditions, and consequences, and I will develop plans for training that must remain flexible. You have to be willing to give up being headstrong and argumentative anymore and turn your mind, body and soul over to me in trust.

In the absence of hearing from you, I will assume that you are done with me, just like I said I was done with you. And when I talked to you by phone last, the reason I said that was because you were being short with me again and were not willing to step outside or into another room for even a few minutes to talk with me privately. I believe this was because in your mind, I was interrupting you, it was not the time for you, and you just simply didn't want to talk with me then. I was unimportant to you at the time, just like my delivery of that shipment was unimportant to you. You were not willing to at least try to talk with me, and it was something you could have avoided, but you cherry picked what you wanted to do again. You were exercising your right to independence; making up your own mind; and doing what you felt was right for you without regard for me; and all at a time right then at that moment when you knew you had an opportunity to at least try to repair the damages with me since I called you after you apologized via text. You didn't even try.

Those reasons don't exist in my world. I don't like it when anyone does this. It would have been different had I known you for some time, and had we not just separated again, and had you not just apologized to me via text, but that wasn't the case. The apology to me via text had once again changed into your tone over the phone, and that sent me another message about how quickly you can flip flop on me.

In mideval time, the submissive/slave feared and sometimes respected her master out of that fear, depending on what he did. In the BDSM lifestyle of modern times, it is hard to adjust to that lifestyle concept unless you are used to it, but that brief conversation on the phone between us, and the reasons you gave for not talking to me, didn't help.

This is the only possible remedy to our differences now. I just don't think there is any other way to resolve anything unless one of us is in charge. I may change my mind considering you for this, so don't be egotistical, stubborn, or let the other part of your brain tell you anything. You should just turn yourself over to me and let me convince your brain to think differently and keep quiet for awhile so you don't get into more trouble than you already are.

Like I said in the beginning, I wanted to share our experiences by writing our points of view in each of our blog pages. There has been several readers who have visited my page, and I assume that some of them must be your friends because I don't really have any in here to speak of as of this writing. My BDSM lifestyle has been very private until now. I thought it would be important to write about us, from both perspectives, in order to get comments from independent followers who might be willing to give their input, guidance, and opinions. I don't have many comments from others like you do, but I have changed my settings to allow anyone to comment from the public. Unfortunately, I see that you have elimated the link to my blogs from your page as a follower. You must not want your friends to see any more of what I have to say. And they must all know that there is always two sides to a coin, so why not? Those that have already visited my site may return at any time they choose. You already gave me permission to post intimate details, so it's not like I have done anything wrong with this. (Yes, I did....I just went back to look again, and the link was there. I am sorry Cheri...my mistake).

P.S. - I admire you for still having feelings about W. and why you left. It was very thoughtful of you to do what you did, and I am sure he understands it all. I don't expect you to ever forget about W. because you shared five years together at a time in your life that you needed him and he needed you. You guys had some very good times together, and that will forever be a part of your life, and you can't nor shouldn't want to change any of that. I do not expect you too. But...there cannot be any outside influences that will interfere with our relationship. I mean none at all. Influences can be people, things, or events...and I just won't let things get in the way. It's just something a dom will do to protect the relationship.