Domestic Discipline vs. Bondage and Discipline

This was an interesting piece of research for me to get involved with. It took me an entire evening and the following day to do my homework right after I met Elaina. I set out first by reading some suggested blogs that Elaina recommended, including her own. The following day, I did some of my own research and typed out these fourteen rules in my own words. I didn't copy anything from any website.  

I am a writer, and I enjoy the challenge of creating something new and interesting for the reader.

I must say that I've never heard of a DD relationship prior to meeting Elaina. I knew about bondage and discipline, and quickly learned that the two lifestyles are quite different, even though spanking in a B&D relationship has a very similar purpose.

In a B&D relationship, the dominant top is in charge of creating the scene; deciding on the restraints to be used on his sub; tying techniques, positions, and the precise implements to be used to affect the desired outcome; determining what his submissive partner is going to endure and for how long, and then deciding on whether or not she will be permitted any sexual stimulation or an orgasm under a variety of circumstances. It doesn’t always have to include bondage and a sexual experience though. It can just be another form of discipline, but it’s not something Elaina is used to. Unfortunately, if the two of us are going to have a relationship, I don’t think I am willing to give up my dominant side nor allow her not to be totally submissive to me. Being totally submissive means having no limits, and this is where things are kind of dicey right now. It’s going to be a bumpy road for awhile, and she already knows I am not too happy with any kind of a notion for her to give me a long laundry list of things she either wants to wait on, or doesn’t feel comfortable with trying. If this is going to work, she needs to learn to not just try only some of these things while trusting my judgment – instead, she just needs to let go completely and let me be the judge and jury, the teaser or tormentor, the dominant male who will also cherish his submissive sub much the same way you do in a DD relationship, except with a little twist of more creative excitement built into it.

For me, understanding that the DD relationship is more of a normal lifestyle as compared to the B&D relationship that interests me is not the difficult part. I know the differences and when punishment is used in a DD lifestyle, it is for a specific and valid reason (punishable offense). In the B&D world, it all can mean the same thing, except that sometimes, it gets quite a bit more intense and can last for much longer periods of time.

The submissive partner is essentially always in an obedient state of mind and will do anything her dominant partner requires of her. For instance, he may require that she remain naked all day long in some sort of restraint, working around the house, and will immediately come to her dominant partner anytime he summons her for anything, to include a sexual experience. If you can picture what it would have been like back in medieval times, there were dungeons, punishment, torture and sexual experiences sometimes. The fantasy of a consensual B&D relationship goes several steps beyond what a normal DD relationship actually is designed to do. It incorporates all of the fourteen rules I described in my article, but it also establishes a true bond between two partners, especially if she is trainable. Yes, I said trainable. Elaina needs training. Safe words are available to her and used right now, but I expect for her to learn from me and know that I will not cause her any permanent harm or inflict any permanent injury. I want her to learn that once she submits and is restrained, that’s it. You sweat it out mentally and physically even though you know you will survive it all in the end. The mental piece of this is very powerful, and can become very addicting. The addiction can lead to enhanced sessions with varying scenarios and equipment and quickly becomes null and void/boring if it’s not changed up frequently. Unlike corporal punishment or other discipline in a normal DD relationship, the varying situations in a real B&D relationship keep the home fires burning with a little more intensity and deliberate purpose.

Trying to introduce this to Elaina is somewhat difficult for her because she is used to the normal DD lifestyle. She's been very cooperative and willing to learn some things that I want to introduce her to, except to say that if it was going too fast and was too much for her, she wasn't really sure about it. I think she’ll learn, and she’ll learn quickly.

We've talked a little bit about this, and it's not exactly easy for me either. On one hand, I want her to be able to live a normal life, have her own opinions, make her own mistakes, and learn from everything. On the other, I get a little confused with my ability to understand. Let me give you a prime example of how we are learning to understand each other.

She once said, "you're going to let me get away with talking to you like that." This was within the first few days we met, and I quickly picked up on her subtle hints where I should be stepping in with the normal role in a DD relationship that I described in my article.

I suppose every DD submissive partner and their dominant counterpart has different interpretations in their relationship of when to step in and invoke the balance and calibration that I referred to in my article, BUT, it can be a bit confusing when to appropriately step in and subdue her into a sound spanking when I am not sure yet if she was just giving a serious opinion and setting some sort of rule or limitation, or was it her testing me in hopes that I would learn how to respond to the differences of an opinion or just flat out insolent behavior.

What I've been doing to try and learn all this is to listen to what she says very carefully, and watching her like a hawk. It doesn't take long for me to find some sort of minor punishable offense, like not putting the sink basket in the kitchen sink before rinsing the dishes. I don't want a bunch of crap clogging up my pipes, and have spent years perfecting a routine on many things I do around my home. Some of these incidental type of infractions are punishable offenses, BUT, they can be dealt with in a number of different ways by inflicting discipline just as you would do in a limited DD relationship, or the dominate partner may choose to step it up and enforce total submission for most anything. Either she learns to comply or she suffers the consequences.

I enjoy being a little bit more creative during some of the disciplinary corporal punishment sessions, and have had to take things slowly. It seems that whenever I bring up this entire topic or want to introduce something new, I am met with a sharp tone, resistance, and a tongue lashing of sorts. I can understand her being used to the one lifestyle for about 5 years; her apprehension and fears; her reservations; her only wanting to be partially submissive and take her lickings when they are due; but the reality of it all hasn’t quite set in with her yet. She is already somewhat submissive like I’ve told her. She just needs to trust me, let herself go, and obey. It’s a little complicated for both of us because I don’t distinguish the difference between discipline and discipline. Yes, that’s right. Both lifestyles have them, except that the B&D lifestyle can incorporate so much more control. Elaina has told me that she has always kept her sexual experiences separate from her disciplinary experiences. She isn’t a total sub yet, which is why this is difficult for her. It’s going to take some time and effort to train her. The interesting part of all this is that she will actually benefit more from it than I will. As the few remaining years pass for me at my age, she will have learned much and can move on if she desires to do that. She has so many more years to enjoy life than I have left, but the few that we might be able to spend together is still uncertain at this point.

The one thing I can say about all this is that if she chooses to stay with me, and once she crosses over into my total control and submits to me without fear or hesitation, reservations or limitations, and obeys without question, for any length of time, she will learn to enjoy it; so much so, that any future relationship she may ever have with another partner may not be able to have any vanilla flavoring. The addiction of a true B&D relationship and what happens in it has so much more involvement than most people will ever truly experience. The vague fantasies that a few people may have doesn’t give it any justice at all, and still others might look at this lifestyle as perverted or dangerous. Neither of those two types of categories of persons will have a full understanding and appreciation for it…that is, unless one of them is submissive, consensual, and actually trains under an experienced and seasoned dominant partner to learn how to accept it first, and enjoy it second. We shall see. K.